Self-Led Holidays: Navigating Triggers and Finding Gratitude - a Simple Holiday Practice
Wrapping up a year of growth with curiosity, connection, and presence.
As this year comes to a close, I find myself reflecting on the deepening journey it’s been—both personally and professionally. Writing here has been a gift, not only as a way to share insights but as a practice of staying connected to my own Self. Thank you for being part of this journey, for reading, sharing, and engaging in these reflections.
👹And now, we’re in the thick of the holiday season—a time of joy, connection, and, let’s be honest, plenty of triggers.👹
The holidays are like a spotlight on our inner world. Family dynamics resurface, social pressures mount, and those parts of us that we thought were quieted can suddenly take center stage.
I know this firsthand.
The Holiday Activation
This past week, I had a moment. A family situation—a recurring dynamic I thought I had worked through—brought up an unexpected wave of emotions. My parts were loud: the fixer wanted to jump in and solve everything; the avoider wanted to run far, far away. And then there was the guilt, whispering, “Why haven’t you figured this out yet?”
For two days, I wrestled with this inner storm, trying to stay grounded and present. And then, while I was mid-spiral, I caught myself. I paused, took a deep breath, and did what I always recommend to my clients: I checked in.
Two Simple Questions
When we’re activated, it’s common to feel overwhelmed or hijacked by our parts.
That’s why I’ve found these two questions so powerful. We can simply ask them to our parts or our emotions or our triggers. Pause a bit, take a few breaths and a bit of inner space and ask:
What do you want me to know?
This question creates space for the part of us that’s activated to speak. In my case, I heard my fixer say, “I’m scared they’ll think I don’t care if I don’t do this.”
How can I help you so you can relax a bit?
This one invites collaboration and support that only our true, mature, compassionate Self can give to our inner parts. My fixer told me it needed reassurance that just being present was enough.
With those two questions, the storm didn’t disappear, but it softened. I could feel the parts of me starting to trust that I was there, that I was listening, and that we didn’t need to solve everything right now.
Self-Leadership in the Holidays
The holidays are full of these moments—little activations that can feel big. A comment from a family member. A pang of loneliness. The pressure to meet expectations or create the “perfect” holiday.
Here’s what I’ve learned this year:
These moments aren’t failures or setbacks. They’re opportunities. In IFS, we call them trailheads—clues pointing us to parts of ourselves that need attention, care, and healing.
Wrapping Up the Year with Gratitude
As I reflect on this year, I’m overwhelmed with gratitude. Gratitude for the work I’ve been able to do, for the clients and communities I’ve connected with, and for the growth I’ve experienced in my own life.
This space—writing, sharing, and reflecting with all of you—has been one of the rewarding parts of my year. It’s been a reminder that growth isn’t linear, that triggers are part of the process, and that every moment—yes, even the tough ones—can be an opportunity to learn, heal, and connect.
A Simple Holiday Practice
As we move through the holidays, I invite you to try this:
Pause and Breathe: When you feel activated, take a few deep breaths.
Ask Your Questions:
What do you want me to know?
How can I help you so you can relax a bit?
Offer Support: It might be as simple as stepping outside for fresh air, offering yourself a kind word, or setting a boundary that feels right.
Anchor in Gratitude: Each evening, reflect on one small thing that brought you joy or ease during the day.
Looking Ahead
As I look to the year ahead, I’m excited to keep exploring these themes—Self-leadership, inner work, and the powerful ways they show up in our daily lives. I’ll be writing about everything from managing transitions to cultivating deeper connections and, of course, navigating the inner barriers that hold us back as leaders and humans.
Thank you for being part of this journey. Wishing you a holiday season full of presence, connection, and grace—and a new year filled with possibilities.
In gratitude,
Anna Milaeva
Transformational IFS Coach @ www.annamilaeva.com & Co-founder @ www.fino.website - Incubator for Self-leadership
P.S.:
Transform Your Life from the Inside Out
Welcome to a space where curiosity leads to transformation. Using Deep Coaching and Internal Family Systems (IFS), I help you reconnect with your innate potential, release past wounds, and align your actions with your values. Together, we’ll unlock the tools and clarity you need to thrive personally, professionally, and relationally.
Book a Free Discovery Session today and take the first step toward living a life of purpose, confidence, and connection.