The U-Turn That Changes Everything: A Simple Practice for Unblending
We’re not stuck in the system - we are the system. And that means we are also the solution.
We love to think of ourselves as separate from the problem.
We say things like, “I don’t know why people act like this.”
Or “I keep getting caught in the same patterns.”
Or my personal favorite: “I’m just stuck in this situation.”
But here’s the truth: We’re not stuck in traffic—we are the traffic.
And the moment we realize that, we also realize something else: we can move.
This is what unblending is about.
What Is Unblending?
Unblending is the art of stepping back from an emotion, thought, or reaction and seeing it as just one part of you—not all of you.
Instead of saying, “I am anxious,” we shift to, “A part of me is feeling anxious.”
Instead of saying, “I’m furious with you,” we shift to, “A part of me is feeling really angry right now.”
Sounds small, right? Almost too simple?
But here’s the thing: everything changes when we make this U-turn.
Why?
Because the moment we speak for a part instead of from a part, we create space. We step out of full identification with it. We gain perspective. And suddenly, we’re not just reacting—we’re leading.
This is what makes IFS so powerful. We’re not trying to get rid of parts or force them into submission. We’re learning how to be with them differently.
A Simple Practice: Speaking for Parts (Anywhere, Anytime)
The beauty of this practice? You don’t need a meditation cushion. You don’t need a therapist’s office. You don’t even need to be alone.
You just need a moment and a breath.
Step 1: Catch the Reaction
Next time you feel a strong emotion—frustration, anxiety, impatience—pause. Just for a second. Notice it. Focus on the sensations.
It could be a tightness in your chest. A racing thought. A sudden urge to snap at someone or retreat completely.
Step 2: Name It as a Part
Instead of being the feeling, name it as a part of you.
Say (out loud or in your head):
“A part of me feels really frustrated right now.”
“A part of me is feeling overwhelmed.”
“A part of me really wants to avoid this conversation.”
Instantly, you’ve created space.
Step 3: Speak for It Instead of From It
If you’re in a conversation, try shifting your words:
🔹 Instead of: “You never listen to me.”
Say: “A part of me feels unheard right now.”
🔹 Instead of: “I can’t do this.”
Say: “A part of me is afraid I’ll fail.”
🔹 Instead of: “You always let me down.”
Say: “A part of me is really hurt by this.”
Notice what happens when you do this.
Notice how it changes the energy of the conversation.
Notice how it shifts something inside of you.
And most importantly, notice how you’re no longer just reacting—you’re leading.
Why This Works (Even If It Feels Too Simple)
Most of us live inside our reactions without realizing it.
When we’re anxious, we are anxiety.
When we’re triggered, we are the trigger.
When we’re hurt, we are the wound.
But we are so much more than any one emotion or reaction.
This practice is a U-turn back to who we really are.
Because when we stop blending with a part, we don’t lose our emotions—we relate to them differently. We bring curiosity instead of judgment. We slow down instead of reacting. We begin to move, instead of staying stuck in the same patterns.
And that’s when things begin to shift—not just inside us, but in our relationships, our decisions, and our lives.
One Last Thought: The Power of Less
The more I do this work, the more I realize that simplicity is everything.
Not more complexity.
Not more fancy tools.
Not more noise.
Just simple, direct connection.
Less luxury, more presence.
Less fuss, more depth.
Less striving, more being.
So let’s keep simplifying. Let’s keep making these U-turns, one small shift at a time.
And let’s keep remembering:
We are not the traffic. We are the movement.
In gratitude,
Anna
Transformational IFS Coach @ www.annamilaeva.com & Co-founder @ www.fino.website - Incubator for Self-leadership.